Donald Trump don’t need no ideology or policy because Donald Trump got steel cage matches!!!

Someone asked if I am going to watch tonite’s State of the Union address. My response is why bother?

by O Society Feb 5, 2019

If you take any of this seriously, then you don’t get it. The entire Trump presidency is now and always has been WWF wrassling.

Heel and face storylines. Soap operas. Reality TV. Choreography. Hype. The Greatest Show on Earth. Except it isn’t.

It’s political kabuki theater. The moment you imagine any of this is anything deeper than a shallow production of endless spectacle, you are lost. Manufactured drama has no plot except to steer you towards more drama. Ratings for the sake of ratings.

The Wall is Wrestlemania, a handicap match with Trump fighting both Schumer and Pelosi because Pence can’t tag in.

The dialogue isn’t scripted so much as there is a theme and the exact wording is improvised. That’s what makes it seem authentic. The emotions are real and the insults fly. There is no substance to what they say though. It’s all gimmicks.

Pencil-necked geeks. Can you smell what the Rock is cooking? I accept your wall challenge, and will lay the smack down on you!!!

Last year it was the Lock Her Up! match with Hillary.

Daniel ‘The Progressive Liberal’ Richards offers unique insight into another famous heel act – Donald Trump

Before that, the lumberjack match with a cast of Republican presidential nominees.

Donald Trump defends size of his penis

Before that, it was a Loser Leave Town match with the Kenyan Muslim.

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I’m not kidding. There is no there, there. There is no Donald, there either.

No matter how important someone – anyone – tries to make all of this seem, it isn’t. There is nothing valuable in and of Donald Trump himself. Nothing. Our reactions to Donald Trump are valuable and incredibly important to realize, but who he is and what he says and does in and of himself is nothing. Not one thing. No-thing.

 

You can’t figure out Donald Trump’s foreign policy because there isn’t one. This week Krazy Ko-rean Kim is our tag team partner. Next week, he’s our mainline event, Trump vs. Rocket Man. Roles are disposable and adjusted on the fly according to the plot twists to be decided later, on demand.

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Great Kabuki as China, North Korea, and the rest of them Asians

You can’t figure out how Donald Trump makes the economy go because he doesn’t. He’s demolishing the dollar by demolishing our European allies’ faith in American economic hegemony. Yet our economy appears to be happy as it can be.

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Kamala the Ugandan Giant Harris

Smoke and mirrors. Bullshit. None of it is real. It is all a distraction. And Americans buy into it. This is the sad truth.

Trump and the Psychology of Pro Wrestling

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Russian Bear Ivan & Nikita Koloff as Vladimir Putin

Chaos. Mayhem. Testosterone. Ring girls. Yelling in the microphone. A narrative that makes no sense and changes constantly. Super-villains and Anti-heroes. There is no purpose other than to drive up the gate receipts and pay per view numbers while behind the scenes, the government is dismantled in its entirety.

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Iron Shiek as every Middle Eastern country ever

Donald Trump, Wrestling Heel

Don’t believe me? Do yourself and everyone around you a favor: Learn yourself these WWF Wrasslin’ terms and begin to apply them to the daily news cycle. You’ll see…

TV Tropes: Professional Wrestling

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Stone Cold Steve Austin as the man who put the stunner on Donald Trump

If you’re a casual fan, and you’re watching the WrestleMania pay per view with diehard wrestling fans, you might be confused by their language; they’re probably using all sorts of insider-y slang terms. For decades, wrestlers and hardcore fans have used these terms as a way of keeping their business insular and secret, away from common knowledge and the prying curiosity of the public.

To keep you in the conversation, we present The Secret Language of Pro Wrestling, Decoded​. And remember, it’s not “fake.” It’s “predetermined”!​

20. Babyface

Video via YouTube

(ˈbābēfās)

A “good” wrestler. A babyface is honorable and ethical; he or she fights cleanly, defends the vulnerable, and elicits a positive reaction from fans. John Cena and Becky Lynch are prime examples of babyfaces. Babyface is often shortened to “face” amongst fans.

Fan #1: “John Cena is going to be a babyface for his entire career, isn’t he?”
Fan #2: Yeah, he’s a role model for cancer kids. If he turns his back on them, their little hearts won’t be able to take it.”

19. Heel

Video via YouTube

(hēl)

A “bad” wrestler. A heel can be a scary monster, like Nia Jax. A heel can regularly cheat or act cowardly, like The Miz. A heel can also be super cocky, arrogant, or disrespectful, like Chris Jericho. A great heel elicits boos and angry fan reactions. When a face betrays his or her allies in the ring or suddenly turns evil, this is known as “turning heel.” When a wrestler is booked to have both face and heel characteristics—typically, half the audience will boo and the other half will cheer—this wrestler is called a “tweener.”

Fan #1: “Listen to how much Roman Reigns is booed, even though he’s supposed to be a face!”
Fan #2: “It’s awful. WWE should turn him heel, but they’re stubborn and ignore their fans.”

18. Jobber

Video via YouTube

(ˈjäbər)

A wrestler who regularly loses, or “jobs,” to other wrestlers. Jobbers are some of the most underrated performers in the business. Their duty is to make the other wrestlers look strong; thus, any successful professional wrestler owes his career to jobbers. There are different levels of jobber. Heath Slater establishes the rock bottom of the roster and loses to everyone, often in comedic fashion. Someone like Kane or Big Show is a “jobber to the stars”—he demolishes everyone below him, and acts as the gatekeeper to the main event—any belt contender must be able to beat the jobber to the stars. The most respected type of jobber is a “carpenter,” a technically skilled wrestler (often more skilled than the wrestlers he is losing to) who stays in the mid or lower tier and functions as a mentor to new talent.

Fan #1: “Do you remember how scary Yokozuna was in the ring?”
Fan #2: “Oh yeah. I loved when he used to defeat two jobbers at once.”

17. Mark

Video via YouTube

(märk)

A fan who believes what he sees in the ring is real and competitive. Today, aside from young children, very few marks still exist. So, in modern times, “mark” more commonly refers to a fan who is willing to play along and suspend his disbelief. Having a genuine emotional reaction to the show is referred to as “marking out.” The opposite of a mark is a “smark,” or smart mark. This is a fan who is ‘smart’ to the business, and knows that what he is seeing is scripted. In modern times, however, “smark” more commonly refers to a fan who criticizes the show from a backstage perspective, believing that he knows better than the writers.

Fan #1: “When the Dudley Boyz returned to Raw and put their opponents through tables, I marked the hell out!”
Fan #2: “Ugh, the writers suck. Why can’t we get some independent wrestlers? The Dudleys are so old now. They’re probably going to job to everyone on the roster.”
Fan #1: “You stupid smark. Just shut up and just enjoy the show.”

16. Pop

Video via YouTube

(päp)

A sudden, loud response from the crowd. A pop is usually a positive reaction, and it usually occurs during a wrestler’s entrance, especially when the wrestler is returning from injury and hasn’t been seen in some time.

Fan #1: “The Undertaker got a massive pop during his entrance tonight.”
Fan #2: “Yeah, when the lights went out and the bell tolled, I think I lost my hearing.”

15. Heat

Video via YouTube

(hēt)

An extremely negative reaction to a wrestler. A heel ought to have heat; if the audience hates him, it’s a sign that he is doing his job properly. Sometimes, however, a wrestler like Eva Marie has “X-Pac heat” (coined after controversial ’90s wrestler X-Pac), which means that the wrestler is hated by the fans for being unskilled, bad at acting, poor at ringwork, or repetitive—not because of their actions in the storyline. A wrestler can also have “backstage heat,” which means his fellow wrestlers are pissed at him, usually for a perceived lack of respect.

Fan #1: “The rumor is that Roman Reigns has massive heat backstage.”
Fan #2: “I wouldn’t be surprised. He got busted for a drug violation, and that makes the whole locker room look bad.”

14. Promo

Video via YouTube

(ˈprōmō)

A monologue or interview delivered by a wrestler. Promos can move the storyline forward, promote a match that will take place later in the show, or plug a pay-per-view where the wrestler will be making an appearance. Reciting one of these monologues is known as “cutting a promo.” A well-rounded wrestler is excellent at promos, and uses them to either make the audience hate him or get the audience on his side. Years ago, promos were improvised by their speakers; today, especially in WWE, promos tend to be more scripted. Above is the most famous promo of all time: “Hard Times,” which was delivered by Dusty Rhodes in 1985.

Fan #1: “The Ultimate Warrior cuts really intense promos.”
Fan #2: “True, but even though they grab my attention, I never understand what the hell they’re about.”

13. Sell

Video via YouTube

(sel)

The act of making a wrestling move look impactful—like it really, really hurts. A wrestler can “oversell,” which means he exaggerates the pain. Conversely, if a wrestler “no-sells,” he can make his opponent look weak. A talented wrestler will know how to split the difference between these two extremes.

Fan #1: “The Rock sells the Stone Cold Stunner like nobody else.”
Fan #2: “True. I know his backflip is a bit of an oversell, but for some reason, I still love it.”

12. Push

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(po͝oSH)

The act of advancing a wrestler’s importance within a wrestling promotion. A wrestler who receives a push will regularly beat his opponents, get a large share of screen time, and participate in media campaigns. If fans respond to the push, the wrestler may be pushed even higher, and eventually contend for a title belt.

Fan #1: Wow. On his debut on Monday Night Raw, Finn Balor won a Fatal 4-Way and pinned Roman Reigns.
Fan #2: It’s one of the biggest pushes I’ve ever seen. Do you think he’ll become champion at SummerSlam?

11. Bury

Video via YouTube

(ˈberē)

The act of having a wrestler lose or be embarrassed multiple times within a short time frame. A wrestler is considered buried when fans no longer see him as a legitimate threat or contender. Veterans are often accused of burying newcomers.

Fan #1: Do you remember when Bray Wyatt was considered a legitimate threat?
Fan #2: That’s before every babyface on the roster buried him. That was before Cena and Rockburied The Wyatt Family at WrestleMania, despite being outnumbered 3 to 2.

10. Squash

Video via YouTube

(skwäSH)

A hilariously one-sided match, where the defeated opponent barely puts up a fight. Squash matches usually involve jobbers, and the purpose of them is to make the winner look as powerful as possible and to get their moves over.

Fan #1: Is Scotty 2 Hotty okay?
Fan #2: I’m not sure. The medics were checking on him after Kurt Angle squashed him.

9. Kayfabe

Video via YouTube

(ˈkāˈfāb)

An umbrella term that refers to the entire theatrical, predetermined nature of professional wrestling. In the earlier days of wrestling, wrestlers maintained kayfabe at all times, even in public. The Million Dollar Man, for example, traveled separately from the rest of the roster and stayed in first-class accommodations to make his gimmick believable. A wrestler who acknowledges the backstage mechanics of the business is “breaking kayfabe.”

Fan #1: “Chris Jericho doesn’t promote his merchandise when he’s a heel.”
Fan #2: “That’s why I love him. He’s one of the few wrestlers who maintains kayfabe.”

8. Over

Video via YouTube

(ˈōvər)

When a wrestler is popular amongst fans. The worst fan response to any wrestler is zero response. Heels want to be booed. Babyfaces want to be cheered. Everyone wants to sell tickets.

Fan #1: “Enzo Amore and Big Cass are insanely over.”
Fan #2: “Definitely. When the fans repeat your catchphrases, you know you’re doing something right.”

7. Work

Video via YouTube

(wərk)

A show incident that appears to have been unplanned, but was actually scripted. This is increasingly difficult to pull off successfully. Wrestling fans are a suspicious bunch, and are more likely to assume that any event, however tragic, is part of the show.

Fan #1: “WWE.com is reporting that Jeff Hardy was found unconscious in a stairwell and was taken to a nearby hospital.
Fan #2: “Wow, major news networks also picked up the story. Is this is a work, that’s pretty impressive.

6. Shoot

Video via YouTube

(SHo͞ot)

A show incident that is not planned or predetermined. At WrestleMania 15, Bart Gunn participated in a shoot boxing match against Butterbean; Gunn was legitimately knocked out in the early first round. “Shoot” can also refer an interview that exposes the wrestling business or another wrestler’s actions backstage. This is known as “shooting on” someone. Sometimes during the show, the wrestler makes reference to backstage politics with the permission of the creative team. CM Punk was famous for doing this. This is known as a “worked shoot.”

Fan #1: “Why is the Blue Meanie’s face covered with blood and bruises?”
Fan #2: “Because his brawl against JBL started as a work, but it quickly turned into a shoot.”

5. Swerve

Video via YouTube

(swərv​)

A twist in the storyline. A swerve usually happens when one wrestler betrays another. A proper swerve can take months to set up, leading the audience to believe in the wrestlers’ friendship before turning it on its head. Seth Rollins betraying The Shield is a notable, recent swerve.

Fan #1: “My jaw dropped when Kevin Owens clotheslined Sami Zayn on the ramp.”
Fan #2: “I know! That was an incredible swerve; those two have been like brothers for decades.”

4. Spot

Video via YouTube

(spät​)

A preplanned element in a match. Wrestlers typically have a series of signature moves they perform in every match, and these are mapped out backstage before the show begins. Wrestlers might also preplan a daredevil stunt, like jumping off the top rope, falling off a ladder, or going through a table. A particularly intense stunt is called a “high spot.”

Fan #1: “My favorite spot of all time is when Undertaker threw Mankind over the side of the Cell.”
Fan #2: “He dislocated his shoulder doing that! Shane McMahon had a similar high spot at Wrestlemania 32.”

3. Stiff

Video via YouTube

(stif​)

Describes a wrestler who makes impactful contact with another wrestler during a match. This can be a stylistic choice, to make the match more realistic, or it can be accidental, like when Seth Rollins broke John Cena’s nose by mistake. Wrestlers might also work stiff to punish disrespectful wrestlers, as the Acolytes did to Public Enemy in the clip above.

Fan #1: Why is Kobashi limping around?
Fan #2: Because last night, he fought Stan Hansen. That guy is stiff as hell.

2. Blading

Video via YouTube

(blādING)

When a wrestler decides to add a little “color” to his matches. A wrestler will hide a straight razor in his ring gear, and after he takes a particularly brutal shot to the head, he will cut open his forehead when the audience isn’t looking. Ric Flair was particularly notorious for blading, and he often wore a “crimson mask” by the end of his matches. Blading isn’t the only way that wrestlers bleed, however. Sometimes, people’s foreheads will open up “the hard way,” by planned hits that occur within the match.

Fan #1: “Did you hear that Batista was fined $100K by the WWE for blading in his match against Chris Jericho?”
Fan #2: “WWE takes its PG rating seriously.”

1. Bump

Video via YouTube

(bəmp​)

The impact between the wrestler and the ground. If a wrestler is slammed particularly hard or falls from a great height, it’s said he “took a hard bump.” A skilled wrestler will know how to land— usually flat on his back, to distribute the impact—so he won’t suffer serious injury.

Fan #1: “I always get scared when Brock Lesnar suplexes the Undertaker.”
Fan #2: “Agreed. The Undertaker is too old to be taking that many bumps to the back of his head.”

 

By now, everyone at home should have enough wrasslin’ vocabulary to describe the events in the White House as what they are. Which is to say, The McMahons are in the White House.

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8 thoughts on “Donald Trump don’t need no ideology or policy because Donald Trump got steel cage matches!!!

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